FOUR YEARS OLD!

August

Welcome Class of 2001! The cookout! (Thank you, Scott.) Class buttons. The Welcoming Tea (and Gwen’s page). The Blue Lemur re-opens! (Thank you, Tim.) The Library re-opens! (Thank you, Lonnie and all librarians.) Casino Night! Kyle’s card tricks. The Garden Weasels begin their work. (Thank you, Cecilia Ruth and Mary.) Tea. A new adopted lemur. Literary Society resumes and John York visits. Daria. La la la la la. The Theatre Education Yurt. Fellows’ lunches resume. “I do not know much about constellations / Or the fortunes hooked to each.”

September

Borders Bookstore trips begin. (Thank you, Pam.) Formal Casino Night! Tea. A beautiful path thanks to the Garden Weasels. “O my god, they killed Kenny!” Senior Tutor’s Awards. Tea. Literary Hour. A new chess set. (Thank you, Hollie.) How to advertise. Star Wars marathon. Focus tours. Special Founder’s Day Tea. Voyager. Alternative music group. Strong-L chatting. (Thank you, Tammy.) Newsletter #100. Goodbye, England’s rose. “Golden lads and girls all must, / As chimney-sweepers, come to dust.”

October

The Croquet Tournament! Congratulations, Scott! Racing around the building. Hats galore! Thanks to all. Tea. Dracula. Jackson Library book sale. Coinstar. (Thank you, College Players.) Halloween dance! Spooky costumes! (Especially Jon’s.) Prizes for all! Council. Many people become University Marshals. Tea. Welcome new Interlink students. “I will lead you all, wherever you may be, / I will lead you all in the Dance, said he.”

November

Senior dinner! Congratulations to all! Beautiful senior pins. Tea and a magnificent tea tray. (Thank you, Michelle.) A Peabody Park exhibit. Flecker Day! Flecker Week! Flecker roast beef night! New plants in the Junior Common Room. (Thank you, Marilyn.) Virtual visitors from around the world. Welcoming Committee tours. (Thank you, Amanda and company.) The Funky Lemurs. Tea. Council. Thanksgiving food drive. (Thank you, Officer Lee.) “I send my soul through time and space / To greet you. You will understand.”

December

Decorating the tree! A Child’s Christmas in Wales. (You’re welcome.) The Grand Holiday Tea and Penny Drive! Fun, friends, song! Strong-L never closes. “Go to the shine that’s on a tree / And take that glory without fright.”

January

Happy new year! Welcome new members! Tea. 52 Senior Tutor’s Awards! Internet access in the Library at last. New pictures on the web. Council. Game Room Superbowl party. (Thank you, Durenda.) Tea. Strong College at the Raft Debate. (Congratulations, Jan.) Scandals! Vacuumgate! Bonegate! Herongate! Flecker U! “Were you exploded by a bomb? / Did you come from Bambi’s mom?”

February

Love bites! Merit scholars visit. Tea. Miss Greensboro! (Congratulations, Julie.) The Didelphic Oracle visits us. Voyager. Bible study group convenes. Book donations to the Library. Council. A new purple octopus. Literary Hour. Valentine’s Day Love Soirée. Cultural Potluck Tea! Spring break! “To sun, to feast, and to converse / and all together—for this I have abandoned / all my other lives.”

March

Organizing the Library. Borders. More new animals for the College Petting Zoo. The Guilford Courthouse battle reenactment. (Thank you, Pam.) Candidates for SGA. Tea for new students Campus safety workshop. Council. Flecker-Across-the-Curriculum. Waffle House. Golden Chain honorees. “Much retrograde and much advance / And all with General Greene, sir.”

April

Congratulations President Buford! A magnificent art show! (Thank you, Heather, and congratulations, Dave.) Miss NBS 1998! (Congratulations, Che-Von.) Donations for tornado victims. Literary Hour. Council elections. (Congratulations, Heather.) Tea. The Regatta! (Rained-out at first.) And then a smashing success! Sun, fun, food, friends, boats, and water! Magnificent boats! Magnificent course! (Thank you, Tim.) Prizes for all. Bri Payne, Head of the Buffalo 1998! “Here once the embattled farmers stood, / And fired the shot heard round the world.”

May

Awards in abundance to many Cornelians! Fencing! (Thank you, Dirk.) A grand end-of-the-year Tea. A new commonplace book. (Goodbye, old book.) Magnificent tee shirts! “Summa is i-cumen in / Laude sing, cuccu!”

Poem-of-the-Year (The Class Ode of the Class of 1898)

It seems to us but yesterday,
So swift our school-days’ flight,
Since we, the first real Freshman Class,
First donned the green and white;
But years have passed, and many a joy
And sorrow we have seen;
As Seniors now we still are proud
To wear the white and green

To you we will not say farewell,
Dear friends who here remain,
For where’s the heart that dares to sigh,
“We shall not meet again”;
What though the future now may hold
For each a different fate,
We’ll be so long as memory lasts
The class of ’98.

STRONG COLLEGE CALENDAR

11 May (Tuesday), 4:30 p.m., Junior Common Room — Survivors’ Tea for graduates and everyone else still here.

17 May (Sunday), 5:00 p.m. — Moore-Strong Hall closes and Dr. O’Hara goes to sleep for the summer.

OFFICIAL DISCLAIMERS: Nothing here is official. Please don’t sue us. He not only breaks piñatas; he breaks piñata-breaking records. Results shown are atypical and should not be expected. I once drove a gerbil berserk. Mind the gap. May be harmful if swallowed. No caffeine. For external use only. I’d be really scared if I was a freshman and I got me as a roommate. Two game wardens, seven hunters, and a cow. Do not eat. Refrigerate after opening. I want to be a teacher, but not, like, in front of people. This may or may not represent the official policy of the “Spawn” of “Homer,” the Angolan Christmas Tree Mining Company, Doris Hinkle’s School of Dance, James Elroy Flecker University, Boris the Spider, Barbie of Borg, Rollo the Lemur, the Neo-Amazon Nomad Warrior Princesses, species 8472, Malibu Ken, the Bride o’ Dracula, the Bride o’ Flecker, Horace the One-eyed Squirrel, the brothers of Pi Phi Beta, Millard Fillmore, the Anti-Lemur, or the Dewdrop Fairy. Use only in a well-ventilated area. Sometimes I just can’t believe that I am me. Maybe I’ll just stay here and knit. If rash develops, discontinue use. Machine washable and dryer safe. May contain historical inaccuracies. Choking hazard. Tamper evident. Eye irritant. Crayons not included. Do not inhale. If swallowed or lodged in ear or nose, promptly see doctor. Filled with graham goodness. Hold handrail. Read cautions on back. 100% undetermined man-made fibers. No cheerleaders were harmed in the making of this Newsletter. I think it would be best if I waited in my alcove. Rules subject to change. Contains beta carotene for color. God, I feel like I’m nineteen again. Point away from people while opening. Not a significant source of calories. Maybe I should become a trophy wife. Division I snipe hunting by 2001. I’m not singing any boating song. Easy to clean vinyl lining. When correctly viewed, everything is lewd. Will not craze most plastics. I am unaccustomed to working in a hierarchy. Learning is no substitute for winning. Kill with a borrowed sword. I really like lizards. Easily slips beneath outerwear. You could, like, see her brain. Boys are weird. Contains no squid. In the unlikely event of a water landing, this Newsletter can be used as a flotation device. I’m a doctor, not a counterinsurgent. Shown actual size. Made with real peanut butter. Do not shake. Borg implants not included. OK, shoot Dr. O’Hara and then we’ll go. When dry, brush lightly. Elvis has left the building. I just love scanning for life forms. Not to be used as a ride-on toy. Formatted to fit this screen. The most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Second star to the right, and straight on till morning. If we succeed there will be many songs sung in our honor. The better our fantasies are, the better our realities can become. Think continually of those who were truly great. A decent boldness ever meets with friends. Risk—risk is our business; that’s what this starship is all about; that’s why we’re aboard her. Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty. The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. Resistance is futile. Assimilate this. Per aspera ad astra!