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Cornelia Strong College

The University of North Carolina at Greensboro

Friday, 10 February 1997 | Emergency Substitute Issue | Newsletter No. 83


The Doctor is Out

As you may have already heard, our near and dear Senior Tutor (not to mention normally the author of this Newsletter), Dr. O’Hara, has fallen ill with a host of ailments, no doubt at the unseen hands of a fiendish conspiracy of Anti-Lemur activists. At last report he is recovering slowly, but nicely. We wish him the most thorough and healthy recovery and no doubt eagerly anticipate his return to all things Strong.

Valentine’s Love Soirée, Rip-Snortin’ Casino, and the Blue Lemur Cantina of Suavity

You too can participate in the defining event of this otherwise insignificant month called February! This Wednesday night, from 8:00 p.m. till midnight in the JCR, experience the 2nd annual Valentine’s Dance and Love Soirée. This year’s motif is Anything but the Nineties. Dance the night away with your sweety, your shadow, or random strangers with smooth moves. Costumes are desired, but not necessary. Nudity is not an option, however. Admission is free.

Not only do we have a groovin’ dance floor where you can boogie down with the rest of them but we also have two other stylin’ venture’s: Scott’s Rip-Snortin’ Casino and Poker Tournament (opening at 9), and the Blue Lemur-sponsored Cantina of Suavity (running concurrently with the dance). The Cantina (Game Room) will be a nice quiet place for refreshments, rest, and/or dubious intimate encounters. The poker tournament will tentatively take place in the lobby for the opening rounds and then move into the Cantina for the Big Hands. Again, I cannot stress enough that nudity is not an option.

Other Responsibilities Towards Maintaining the Secure Progress of the Empire

Black Student Visitations Days: We still need your help to host prospective students overnight on Friday, February 21st! All you have to do is meet your guest at 4:00 p.m. on Friday and show him or her around for the evening and then provide them a place to sleep in your room. There is a sign-up sheet on the bulletin board outside the College Office if you’d like to assist. Thank You!

Competitive Scholar’s Visitation Days: This coming Sunday and Monday night (February 23rd and 24th), CSC will be hosting some of this year’s combatants for the University dole. I think their quarters have been provided for thanks to our ever-industrious President Woodfin, but if you see a rather skittish-looking lad or lass huddled in some lonely corner of the building, do extend your warmest Cornelia Strong College greetings. For all you know, they could be your neighbors next year; it’s been known to happen!

One Whole Year, and All I Got Was This Lousy Caffeine Addiction

Traditionally, the middle of this month is usually set aside in obeisance to a nefarious holiday devoted to the ritualistic displays of libido and/or chocolate. This year, buck tradition by joining in the celebration of the first anniversary of your very own center for maudlin revels: the Blue Lemur Coffee Bar! That’s right, kids, that wacky brewmeister and all-around cool dude Tim Owens and his bar are Turning One in a week or two (actually, Tim is 20, but who’s counting?) and you’re invited! More later.

All Things Great and Small

Speaking of the Lemur, a special prosimian nod goes out to Fellows Janice Tulloss and Mark Schumacher. They ably represented the rest of our faculty (who were no doubt ably resting) at last Monday’s Fellows’ Night. Thanks!

Special Strong thanks to all those who made last weeks’ Tea at least mildly bearable in the absence of our usual mistress of Earl Grey and Darjeeling, Galactic Superbeing Laurie White, who had also taken ill. She has since recovered, and is reportedly chomping at the bit to reclaim her rightful status as Overseer of the Tea.

Stuff Going on This Week You Should Definitely Be Aware Of

11 February (Tuesday), 10:00 p.m., Committee Room — Strong College Council! Special last minute dance planning/decorating session. (Kelly Woodfin officiating)

12 February (Wednesday), 8:00 p.m.–12:00 midnight, JCR — Some sort of Valentine’s Dance shindig. There’s supposed to be a poker thing too, and I hear some dork is going to be running some weird kind of lounge. I don’t know anything much more than that, but it might be worth checking out.

13 February (Thursday), 4:00–5:00 p.m., Senior Common Room — the Umpteenth Convening of the revered institution dedicated to keeping literature alive and to introducing decent, respectable people to Henry Rollins, Strong College Literary Hour! Just go, and experience all that you feel deeply guilty about missing. (Laurie White and if you’re lucky, Dave Day reading)

13 February (Thursday), 10:00–11:00 p.m., Star Chamber — Melodrama and sinew! ER is playing. (Eric Harrington watching)

14 February (Friday), 12:00 noon, Strong College Dining Area — Lunch with Strong College Fellows. Pull up a chair. (Several random fellows eating,)

15 February (Saturday), 7:00 p.m., Star Chamber — Voyager. Borg… ’nuff said.

15 February (Saturday), 10:00 p.m., Star Chamber — Deep Space Nine. Dominion Invasion… ’nuff said.

16 February (Sunday), 9:00–10:00 p.m., Star Chamber — Conspiracy theory and sinew! The X-Files is playing. (Kelly Woodfin disseminating all the governmental subterfuge)

Totally Unofficial Disclaimers: Get well soon, Bob. Not for use with some playsets. He’s alive, and in perfect hibernation. Flame retardant. Shake well. Whatever you do, don’t cross the streams. Who’s the cat that won’t cop out, when there’s danger all about? Shaft! Division I galactic conquest by 2001. Whatever makes you happy. Does not represent the official policy of: the Force, the Schwartz, or Tim, Dark Lord of the Sith. Unauthorized reproduction could result in civil as well as criminal penalties. Some assembly required. Ozzy rulz! Swim at your own risk. Division I full recovery A.S.A.P.! Beware of dog. Defiant. Keep hands, feet, and other objects inside the monorail at all times. Your droids, they’ll have to wait outside! Furthermore, this does not represent the official policy of: Rollo the Jedi Lemur, the PFB Collective, the American Medical Association, Foghat, the Martian Ambassador, the Financial Aid Office, Telemundo, or Boba Fett … especially Boba Fett. Replicants are like any other machine—they’re either a benefit or a hazard; if they’re a benefit, it’s not my problem. Oooooooohh. Division I newsletter typing by February 11, 1997. Sealed for your protection. How about on the Bridge of the Enterprise? Refrigerate after use. Never feed them after midnight. Mmm... doughnuts. Digitally remastered in mind-blowing THX. Satisfaction guaranteed. Engage! Per aspera ad astra!

© Robert J. O’Hara 2000–2021